If my girlfriend doesn't start being nicer to me, I'm totally gonna bottle up my rage and stay in this shitty relationship for 2 more years. Hey girl are you a jellyfish because my understanding of your anatomy is rudimentary at best and I'm afraid to go near you.
Ugh my boyfriend is taking forever to exist. Put your arm around her. Then your other arm. Wait this might be football.
What should you wear? Aisha Tyler - "Tell the truth. Because I don't really understand your terms and you keep saying you have no interest. MH 4 years ago This comment is hidden. You must have both kidneys, non smoker, and not be a big drinker or take any drugs that could damage the liver…Type O negative blood a plus!
Relationships are like marathons, which are also stupid. The dating process is basically just guys pretending that they like to leave their house.
Yo girl, are you a zero APR loan? Because I don't really understand your terms and you keep saying you have no interest. Right now, several billion people aren't dating you. How rude is that? Nothing terrifies me more than being so close to someone and then watching them become a stranger again.
Please check out my posts and let me know if you want to share your experience: Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday. Roses are red, bacon is red.
Look down, back up, where are you? Look again, the Pizza is now your favourite dog.
She falls in love with me. Grandfather seeking companion for granddaughter. She suffers from poor choices.
Went to a party dressed as an egg, and got with a guy who was dressed as a chicken. A life long question was answered that night. It was the chicken…. Once rescued a fireman and a puppy from a burning building.
And after mastering French, I became an international super spy. But I can fix your laptop, and puppies love me. I lost my watch at a party once. An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was harassing some woman at that party.
Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose. No one does that to a woman, not on my watch.
My brother once put me through a Christmas tree wrapping machine then my parents put me in the boot for the ride home. I judge them according to how many and how aggressively they consume them. Whoever defeats me in this porcine endeavor shall become my warrior bride. Our love will be beautiful in its violence as a tempest hits the Bering Strait, and should it die; it dies as it began with a mount of bones between us.
Oh another thing that girl Brittney youre seeing sunday at 7pm in charlottesville to catch a movie. She has showed me everything.
Were besties now bye loser!